What We Want Most For Our Children

We all have ideas of how our children should behave, who they should be, and what they should do to be successful in life. Sometimes we end up placing our expectations on them, of how they should be, to a degree where it creates one of two dilemmas (in some cases both); One brings about a rebellious nature in our children and the other stunts them from living their life full of passion and purpose. Our overwhelming expectations can take our children off of their natural path in life… where they end up losing sight of their strengths, gifts, talents and purpose.

What’s wrong with these two dilemmas? The affects of these can be long lasting through adulthood.

The first, bringing out a rebellious nature in your child, obviously creates problems at home and creates battles for (what you may perceive as) control but is actually the desire for freedom to be who they are and/ or the space and support to explore and figure out it out for themselves. This ultimately will push your child further away from you and the expectations they feel burdened with. This could lead to depression, experimenting with drugs, and risky behaviors that are not favorable for their future and/ or further delaying them from finding their passion for life and their purpose for being here.

The second, stunting them from living their life full of passion and purpose, dims their light and they end up losing focus of who they truly are and what their true role is in life. This can lead to depression, mental instability and also lead to experimenting with drugs and other risky behaviors later on in life.

So instead of holding on to your expectations and ideas of how your child should be and what they should do and how they should do it, I implore you to lower those expectations and let go of YOUR ideas of who your child is and who they “should” be. Below is a list of 7 ways you can support your young adult as they figure out who they truly are and what their passions are.

  1. Spend regular one-on-one time together

  2. Make it a habit of acknowledging your child’s qualities and encouraging them to pursue their individual gifts and talents

  3. Teach your child how to reflect on things

  4. Help them to solve their own problems

  5. When they misbehave and discipline is required, separate the person from the behavior.

  6. Give them a personal set of respectful values to live by ( and lead by example!!!)

  7. Let them know often that they are loved and an important part of the family and community.

Remember, our children are not our property, they are not our second chance at a life we didn’t get to live, and they are not responsible for our happiness. We were gifted the chance to guide them as we were or better than we were and we also are given the opportunity to learn from them. They have their own lives to live and we are simply guides and protectors until they are able to take care of themselves. You are the holder of sacred space for them to blossom into all they will be.

Aja Naki

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The Noble Virtues in Modern Day Life